Dad,You were so afraid that you wouldnâ??t know yourself anymore by the end, that who you would end up being wouldnâ??t be worth loving. I told you that could never happen but I changed the subject. I wish I had just told you this; You told me once that my memory would be a blessing and a curse and I said remembering the bad just makes the good more significant. So let me remind you who you were. You were the man that sang lullabies and rocked me to sleep in a leather recliner, the one that let me stand on his toes while he danced around the room, the one that called me princess and angel and Kimba and anything other than my actual name. You are the man that called me to offer me tear gas, pepper spray, and a Taser flashlight. You werenâ??t just my 5â??5â??â?? protector you were the man that had the courage to admit when you were wrong even against your pride. You are the man that put a photo of my son on his cigarettes and had the courage to quit. You patiently worked to let my husband know that even though his father was gone and you could never replace him, you would love him anyway. You understood him and didnâ??t push. You smiled and danced and damn near broke my heart when you were on that ventilator meticulously tapping out goodbyes and explanations for missing penguins. So, you see you never had to worry. I donâ??t carry the bad with me. I donâ??t remember you for your pride or stubbornness, I love you for the way you conquered them. I love you for the way you loved, with every ounce of your heart and soul. I love you for your hope and light and your sense of humorâ??and I always will.
